Hmm, Where to Start…. 24/7 Coding Is Not Healthy!!!!!!! 😡
What a chance to write something “outside” of software engineering. Yay!
Living in a “coding” environment in a computer science faculty is really hard. Your friends know how to code, they are good at thinking computationally, math, and they do have a different vibe with normal people. But let me tell you something. We’re still living in a society, people still have “friend circle”, people still “talk behind someone”, people still…. “live”.
This is my take on writing about being a people person, how to be that one guy who isn’t trying hard to befriend everyone, but can befriend them!
But this knowledge is more like a way on how you can actually manipulate people’s feeling. Because sometimes there is a difference between someone who is acting truly from the bottom of their heart and those ones who just want to act like full of empathy just not to ruin the moment. But both way, yes, they are the best things you can do when encountering someone.
Emotional Intelligence: This Truly Helps If You Wanna Have a Girlfriend, or Just Friend..
This is actually a formal way on saying how smart you act, and how your act can be acceptable to people and let people want to know more about you and feel comfy on your sight, hug, or whenever they’re around you.
This is something you should see and learn, not something that comes out. The skill can be obtained when you see someone who acts this way properly. This thing is gained not by force, but by respect of other people.
Intelligence sometimes relates to something that is more on a “skill”, like math, music, language, and code. But this emotional intelligence, is a really, really, really important element that can win over those skills. Because like the old saying:
Attitude, not aptitude, will determine your altitude
Sometimes company still wants to hire those who acts well, even though their performance is not really good, just because they’re positive and can lift up the team.
Just like in our software engineering project. sometimes you need those who you are close to, someone you already knows long enough to know you can trust them. That’s why the lecturers tell us to pick our own team. Just to make sure we don’t get into the trouble at the middle of the project.
But chill, this intelligence thing, is … I believe something that is really hard to fake. A fake wannabe person shouldn’t be able to act like they’re having a good attittude without having the good attitude itself. (Unless they’re an effing psycho that is so manipulative).
Because, I was not that somebody who have that good attitude. But I tryna fake mine, and I think the “fake it till you make it” karma hits me well. I’m more deeply emotional and I think I understand how people think when they’re furious or sad,̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶g̶i̶r̶l̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶v̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶i̶n̶g̶s̶.̶
Okay, so let’s talk about psychology of team making. First, we need to know what are the “standards” that took researchers years to figure out the main ingredients of this “EQ (Emotional Quotient)”
Awareness, Awareness of Self, Existance, Mirrority, Life
Okay, everyone is different. Everyone have different weaknesses, fine lines, limits. Before acting well, you should know your own first. Let me start with mine:
- I don’t like pressures, I hate seeing long queues of tasks, or just bunches of tasks, because I hate time management. But, but I’m tolerable when seeing short deadlines but clear and focus tasks (only one task at a time). How I fix this? I made myself a to do list, and try my best to solve them one by one, and ignore the others first.
- I hate it when my hardwork got no praises, responses, or any bits from the others (dude come on, at least a thank or a wow would be enough, right?). The last time I was angry was when my whole code was not appreciated and being ignored by one of my friend which is probably reading this post lol AAHHAHA. How to fix this? I dipped my head into the void, I talked like I wasn’t mad, I beg in a friendly way so that everyone knows my contribution and the reason why I think I should be contributed to my work.
- I love working alone, and sometimes working with someone who can’t keep up with my pace annoys me a lot.
Now, I asked one of my colleagues in our software engineering project team, Joni to share his opinion about his weaknesses, his are:
- He doesn’t like something that isn’t necessary (I think this is totally different than mine, because my family always taught me to give everything you could, for example when doing an assignment, if your teacher asked for something, give them something more, like twice as good as what they’re asking, but not trying to hard so you still fulfill those assignments criteria).
- He is frustated of when storms of stupid deadlines and exams comin like rain of bullets. who doesn’t?
- He is a workaholic and can’t stop when started (This is one of my problem as well but I don’t really consider this as my weaknesses, this is just a self defence mechanism lol).
See? We got a lot of weaknesses, and it varies! From just the two of us.
Self Regulation: The Emotion Bender
Rule of thumb when you are too angry, too happy, too sad to think clearly. Write down: the reason why you’re feeling so. Please, I beg you, don’t try to power them. Understand them. You should know why you feel that way, and you should really think, what do the “person” you’re hating on are thinking? Are they feeling really sad? Are they on a good condition? Are their families OK?
Just like in a software engineering project team, you should know how to control your emotion. Because not everyone have the same schedule with you! And you do, should appreciate everyone.
Motivation: When You Do Something Without Rewarding Yourself
This is just plain magic thing where you can do something without external reward like fame, praises, recognition, and fame. Just do something because you mean it and you feel like finishing your goal. People who tend to reward themself with extrinsic rewards can build up those rewards and make you more spoiled to do something.
The godsend ability to understand others. Inviting friends to play Dota 2 while they’re doing deadline in 1 hour is apparently not a good thing.
I can’t express how many back speech people have been talking behind others because of this things. I personally not a fan of that kind of stuff myself. But sometimes I do too. Not being a hypocrite, someone with a low empathy sometimes have a bigger problem than us.
I have a friend who’s a bully, but turns out they have family problems. Which I would not stand myself If I were in his position. I have a friend who once were caught cheating, but turns out he’s been in a really stressed condition lately and can’t seem to study properly.
See? Everyone has their own issue and POV.
Social Skill: The Icing on Top
This is the skill you must have to be able to get into a circle. First hand rule is, you don’t want to talk all the time. Being a talkative person can be good, but you don’t really want to talk all the time. Sometimes you have to listen to others to. To start a conversation, you can ask open-ended question, give some good eye contact, show interest and do body language.
That’s the keypoint. You’ll find friends in no time!
I was thinking about the article. It’s too short and will be impossible too earn full points.
So I will add some more stuff. I wanna talk about the adult life, the life after college. There is one important thing beside making friends with the same age as your. How, do you make friend as an adult? From different age spectrum, and different environment? There are actually some tips to follow.
From the book of Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, I recapped some of the ways, like the classic principle of social intelligence, an intelligence that make you stood up against people, makes you exist, being recognized and known in the pack.
1. Do Not Show Complete Disagreement in a Disrespectful Way
It takes character and self-control to be able to receive someone’s opinion. But sometimes you should know what other people think of an issue in their glasses. Not just yours. Write down their arguments by yourself, and think on a good win-win solution rather than criticizing, condemning, or complaining someone’s decision in the circle.
2. Praise Them in A Reasonable Context 👌
Being noticed is just not something you’d want to. But you too, should notice other people. Seeing their work and giving them compliments will make them feel like their work is being noticed, that way, they know that you see other people’s effort and just not being an egocentric person.
3. Remember Their Name
Small things, but if you remember someone’s name and mention them in a good way to other people, it will seem that you do respect them in a further occasion. But don’t do it like you’re “currying favor” to the one guy. Yes sometimes it can be annoying. But, please don’t do it too much.
4. Be genuinely interested in Other People
Be a lively and don’t be a fake person! The rule of thumb is you should listen for about 75% of the time. Anyway, you can hear they stories and you should try them as well! Living a life shouldn’t hurt right? 🐣. Me myself, I’d really like to try new hobbies that I haven’t tried before, like: fishing, knitting, building PCs, playing music instrument, and many more!
5. Lol, this charm is too worthy to ever exist
You do know, that talents and skills are not the only thing someone need to be the guy, right? Sometimes a good CV may get you towards the gate, but charm, social skills, and social talent will let us in. People will normally pick someone who can be reliable when it comes to communication. Enrich your live with some of that drips of extroverty! Trust me, people do will share some secrets if you’re a trustworthy person.
6. Acknowledge your own wrongdoings
There is one string that keeps your friendship alive. When you’re a strong, stable personal person, you should take responsible of your own doings. But sometimes, when you’re doing or saying something, you’re pulling a string of agreement between your friends. It can be tense, and this string can break. you can end the tension with a quick acknowledgement of your mistake and apology.
7. Don’t attempt to “Win” An Argument
This is a life hack, the best way to win any argument, is don’t start it. Well, you know that if you totally rip off that one’s argument with objective facts, you won’t be any closer to reach an agreement. Well yes, maybe you can reach an agreement, but that won’t be the last time you talk with them. If you’re being that “MUST WIN” person in every argument, your ego wins after you.
8. Start on a Common Ground
Well, when you’re having an argument with someone, you should start on something you both can agree on. At least, there is something in common from both of you right? This can be a base.
9. Have Others Believe your Conclusion is Theirs Too
Forcing is not something good. You should gain trust and respect, not fear. So you should let people trust you in a way that they don’t put any hard feelings toward you!
Just like parenting. You don’t want your children to hate you for the rest of their life, right? Giving them a trust once and a while won’t hurt their mental.
10. Make people feel Important
Smiling, making them feel worthy, is one of the key to gain one’s trust. Also the most important small stuffs is, don’t forget to say thank you and your gratitude towards them, even for the smallest things.